Been a while...

since I've last posted or updated this site. I got really into it for a minute then my interest sharply fell off. I think it's because I'm trying to be a perfectionist when Good Enough is Enough. I'm also thinking too far into the future about monetization, both with hobbies and my forum software project.

With my hobbies, sewing in particular, my taste is well above my ability, so it's hard for me to just let myself be bad. I need to just buy/print some patters and just fuckin do it instead of spending all my time practicing using the machine. Vague practice will only get me so far, I need to try to make a garment and allowing it to turn out bad. Iterations are normal, being bad is normal, and like a huge portion of people making money off just about anything are mediocre at best. Especially when it comes to tech and the internet. I need to just get my forum software out there so people can use it and I can make it perfect later with their feedback. I've been thinking about getting some of my designs custom made by local seamstresses, but I think I'd rather do it myself. I'd love to start a fashion company but I need to learn to sew myself so I can make sure things are EXACTLY how I want them before moving into production. I think I could be very successful at it. Honestly, this is a little egotistical, but I think I could be very successful at anything I try if I just fuckin let myself try. I'm always getting in my own way, making the scope of projects too big, focusing on details that'll come months down the line while I should be focusing on what matters in the current moment. If anyone has any advice on how to move past this perfectionism and not allowing myself to start/be a beginner at things or even just allowing the first iteration to be imperfect, pleaseeee leave a comment on my guestbook!

Anywho, this blog post is a lot more personal than the others so far, but I feel like I need to update this website SOMEHOW in the meanwhile.

Indie Web/Forum Rambles

Been a while since I've worked on my website and forum software. 9-10 days. Fell and hurt myself then got really sick the week after, it's definitely been A Time. Finally feeling better tho! Going to work on my forum software a bit tonight and definitely get back in the swing of things this week. I'm thinking of making my forum software also available for quick hosting, so people can just make their own forum communities with just a few buttons. No installs, no file uploads, no database setup, just fully managed forum hosting. I feel like it'd be easier to set this up with my own forum software rather than trying to make a hook into an existing forum software, like PHPBB or MyBB. I may look into those a bit more eventually, but for now, my own solution is the solution! I'm doing this for fun anyway, so doing it entirely from scratch is definitely the way to go. I would love to be able to make money off my open source forum software, either thru donations or hosting (or both!) but honestly idk how well that's going to end up going. Forums are old internet, which I love, but I feel like it may end up costing more to run than it'll earn me for a long time, so hopefully that doesn't end up being the case. That's also partially why I'm trying to avoid reseller hosting and allowing people to install shit themselves. There are sooooo many of those hosting providers out there already that I'd have to undercut them to the point where it likely wouldn't be profitable for me for years, if ever, and y'know, money isn't everything, but a bitch gotta eat! I think providing a platform for people to easily create their own forums is a niche that isn't super saturated currently, so I could easily break in, especially with the rise of the indie web. If anything, I'm hoping to just help revive the internet, help make it a place that's actually enjoyable to be.

I don't really have much else to update on right now cuz I've been sick, just some thots I've been having while laying in bed all day. Hopefully this kickstarts a new chapter in my life tho!

Progress!

This is my first real blog post here! Never really done this before, I usually just journal privately, but that's all personal shit I probably won't end up sharing here haha. Been making good progress on the website, got about 1/2 of it up and running, including the admin control panel! Made this blog post using my own custom blog code. Very simple but very effective. Let me put shit into my own html/css with ease and not have to deal with some bs templating language. Honestly, it's been really fun programming again since allowing myself to be bad at it. Not giving a fuck about the quality of my code and just making sure it works has made this a lot more enjoyable and actually made me like programming again. I've been doing this for years and striving for perfection even in personal projects has been a big issue for me for years and has gotten in the way of actually doing shit like this. The internet revival project has really helped me out with my perfectionism and just allowing myself to do shit badly, bc even if it's done badly, it's still done, and that's what actually matters. No one is going to see the imperfections, and if they do and decide to focus on them, that's a reflection of them and not me. It's been really freeing and will definitely be leading towards more artistic projects now that I'm giving myself the grace to just Be Bad At Things. It's weird tbh, I always knew I was a bit of a perfectionist, but I never knew how to actually break free from it, and who knew but it was as easy as just making a website like it's from the early internet I grew up on and actually having fun doing it! It's been so insanely healing for me to take on this project and I'm so glad I did.

Also been working on a side project, a custom forum software similar to PHPBB or vBulletin. I used to participate in internet forums ALL THE TIME, in fact the first website I ever sold at age 14 was a forum for Webkinz (WebkinzTown for anyone who was around back then haha) and I thought that since I'm participating in the internet revival project that I should do something that'll help other people join in too. I'm hoping to eventually turn it into a SAAS project, allowing other people to make their own forums using my software and hosting, paying a nominal fee (less than every other provider, but honestly, probably not free either). I'm definitely going to be providing the forum software as open source code as well so people can self host if they choose, which is really important in this day and age. Having full control over your website, software, dev stack, etc. is so important when the entire internet is built on 3 projects that could be taken offline at any moment and break the entire internet (eg. leftpad) so having everything be self-contained is the only way to actually protect yourself. You'll always have the software if it's all included in the budle. You'll never have to worry about version control or your software breaking because of an update. You'll never have to worry about your site being transferred to a huge cloud provider against your will. You'll be free from big tech just by having full, unfettered access to self-contained open-source software, and I'm hoping to contribute to that and help restore the health of the internet to it's former glory in any way I can. A lot of people probably don't care enough to find their own hosting tho, so having my own hosting site for the forum software would be huge, allowing people to set it up in minutes without doing anything themselves. That's a huge thing in modern society, where everything is available at a moments notice with just a few clicks. A lot of people also don't have the technical know-how to be able to set shit up themselves. I'll probably still end up giving them full cPanel access so they can alter the code themselves if they desire, create landing pages, add a blog, etc. so they can have full customization over their own website, which should be the standard, not the exception.

Anywho, this blog post is getting pretty long and mildly rambly at this point (but isn't that what this is for? my rambles and thoughts, that's literally what this page is called lmao) so I'm gonna end it here. I'm just so happy I found enjoyment in this shit again and I cant wait to be part of the internet revival community in the way I was in the days we're trying to get back to.

Catsum Ipsum

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, fat baby cat best buddy little guy stare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring . Chew master's slippers. Reward the chosen human with a slow blink. Why must they do that meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat rub butt on table ask for petting for stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside yet eat owner's food who's the baby. Munch on tasty moths hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy yet burrow under covers eat from dog's food. Bite nose of your human. Chew iPad power cord scamper so i'm so hungry i'm so hungry but ew not for that chase dog then run away. Ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl kick up litter. Give attitude claws in your leg jump off balcony, onto stranger's head. You call this cat food hiss at vacuum cleaner pee on walls it smells like breakfast. Thinking longingly about tuna brine ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside. Licks your face attack like a vicious monster for while happily ignoring when being called love me! yet sniff all the things. Let me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy while happily ignoring when being called lick butt and make a weird face or mouse and eat the rubberband. When owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened mice, and check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in. I shredded your linens for you claw at curtains stretch and yawn nibble on tuna ignore human bite human hand scoot butt on the rug. I like fish destroy couch as revenge so mice terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry and mew knock over christmas tree. Annoy kitten brother with poking kitty poochy. Shred all toilet paper and spread around the house destroy couch as revenge proudly present butt to human. Peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth twitch tail in permanent irritation shake treat bag nap all day lie in the sink all day, or i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo. Dead stare with ears cocked really likes hummus so paw your face to wake you up in the morning. Play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard rub my belly hiss or who's the baby cats secretly make all the worlds muffins push your water glass on the floor hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser so i'm going to lap some water out of my master's cup meow. Catasstrophe being gorgeous with belly side up, for see owner, run in terror. Hey! you there, with the hands. Chew master's slippers sweet beast. Twitch tail in permanent irritation meow curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard and sleep on keyboard, or side-eyes your "jerk" other hand while being petted . I like big cats and i can not lie purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr so chase dog then run away as lick i the shoes run up and down stairs. Head nudges chase laser meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat lick human with sandpaper tongue pet me pet me don't pet me for meowing chowing and wowing but put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed . Sweet beast ears back wide eyed, love me! i like cats because they are fat and fluffy but plan steps for world domination. I heard this rumor where the humans are our owners, pfft, what do they know?! meow to be let out for leave hair everywhere stretch, murr i hate humans they are so annoying. Human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite hunt anything that moves. Has closed eyes but still sees you spread kitty litter all over house but meow you have cat to be kitten me right meow run up and down stairs, love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater). Pee in human's bed until he cleans the litter box. Annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose lick arm hair poop on couch or toilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox. Lick butt eat all the power cords attack like a vicious monster no, you can't close the door, i haven't decided whether or not i wanna go out. Lounge in doorway. Kitty power sniff all the things yet toilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox or chirp at birds for scamper more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch. Dead stare with ears cocked claw drapes, but mark territory purr for no reason dead stare with ears cocked cat gets stuck in tree firefighters try to get cat down firefighters get stuck in tree cat eats firefighters' slippers. Show belly demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away ears back wide eyed but i will ruin the couch with my claws, sniff catnip and act crazy stare at ceiling poop in litter box, scratch the walls. Lick arm hair meow and walk away and nya nya nyan bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that. Lick plastic bags lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish, shove bum in owner's face like camera lens. Stinky cat attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently. Roll on the floor purring your whiskers off ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl but attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention just kidding i don't want it anymore meow bye ptracy scratch the box swat at dog. Asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) swat turds around the house stand in front of the computer screen. Vommit food and eat it again meowing chowing and wowing pee in human's bed until he cleans the litter box. Annoy kitten brother with poking my left donut is missing, as is my right for cat ass trophy cats secretly make all the worlds muffins knock over christmas tree yet meowzer yet make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm. Adventure always ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss. Leave fur on owners clothes have a lot of grump in yourself because you can't forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat yet lick the plastic bag stretch, for groom yourself 4 hours - checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours - checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day - checked for play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole. Annoy kitten brother with poking. Cereal boxes make for five star accommodation inspect anything brought into the house. Sweet beast slap kitten brother with paw ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box purr when give birth yet instead of drinking water from the cat bowl, make sure to steal water from the toilet intrigued by the shower, or stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust. Cat walks in keyboard eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner the cat was chasing the mouse. Be a nyan cat, feel great about it, be annoying 24/7 poop rainbows in litter box all day cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog so human give me attention meow. Cat mojo sit on human trip owner up in kitchen i want food that box? i can fit in that box yet meowing chowing and wowing. Eat from dog's food scratch at the door then walk away or poop on couch for stick butt in face stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust but sleeps on my head for scratch the furniture. Experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo. The door is opening! how exciting oh, it's you, meh paw at your fat belly hunt anything that moves, or prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor's dog and make it bark cough hairball, eat toilet paper. Poop on couch put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed or rub face on everything run up and down stairs toilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox so sit and stare burrow under covers. Eat half my food and ask for more scratch the furniture. Spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole eat and than sleep on your face. I vomit in the bed in the middle of the night. Attack feet roll over and sun my belly or as lick i the shoes terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry under the bed. Lick human with sandpaper tongue mice chew iPad power cord chase mice, for refuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4am so weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed yet x. Licks paws have my breakfast spaghetti yarn so please stop looking at your phone and pet me lies down so pose purrfectly to show my beauty. Throw down all the stuff in the kitchen sun bathe, but terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry, cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog, sleeps on my head annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose eat fish on floor. Woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now let me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway . do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me!. Playing with balls of wool i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo, roll over and sun my belly so if it fits, i sits yet lick butt and make a weird face or pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms. Scamper licks paws. Human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken! sleeps on my head, or soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr. Peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth meowing chowing and wowing licks your face purr. Twitch tail in permanent irritation meow when in doubt, wash and knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish but cough. If human is on laptop sit on the keyboard drink water out of the faucet or i want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better cry louder at reflection and licks paws. Rub against owner because nose is wet rub against owner because nose is wet make meme, make cute face and gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention just kidding i don't want it anymore meow bye, yet pee in human's bed until he cleans the litter box but stare at imaginary bug. Please stop looking at your phone and pet me climb leg, or touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr. Find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out destroy couch, so carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle but hide when guests come over chase laser so eat a plant, kill a hand for love. Give me some of your food give me some of your food give me some of your food meh, i don't want it chill on the couch table claws in your leg, so leave hair on owner's clothes spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce. The door is opening! how exciting oh, it's you, meh plop down in the middle where everybody walks play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard or destroy couch as revenge and hack up furballs. Demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away ooooh feather moving feather!. Bite the neighbor's bratty kid bite nose of your human but floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes and rub against owner because nose is wet. Open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! purrrrrr so pee in the shoe so miaow then turn around and show you my bum make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm. At four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor's dog and make it bark floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes for meow to be let out for chase the pig around the house. Sit in box spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce have my breakfast spaghetti yarn shred all toilet paper and spread around the house or intrigued by the shower. Then cats take over the world it's 3am, time to create some chaos taco cat backwards spells taco cat, and spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch eat a rug and furry furry hairs everywhere oh no human coming lie on counter don't get off counter tuxedo cats always looking dapper. Attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened. Cat is love, cat is life sit on the laptop yet ptracy, but eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender i show my fluffy belly but it's a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand yet let me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway always ensure to lay down in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human's nose . Attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently, for please stop looking at your phone and pet me and grab pompom in mouth and put in water dish and pose purrfectly to show my beauty.